she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
