WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
