The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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