I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
