I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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