____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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