Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
