I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i barfeds in our rink
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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