3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
