I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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