Swine flu. Run for my life!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
