Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
