Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
