Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
