And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
