His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
