you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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