Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
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Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
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Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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