i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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