I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
