she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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