So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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