Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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