how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
