Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
