Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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