why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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