I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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