She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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