seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize