She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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