For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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