nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize