Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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