i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
