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I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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