The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
