WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
