You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
