Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
