at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
