no, he came in my armpit
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
