I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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