she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
