So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize