i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
