stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
