Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think a kid would responsible me up
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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