im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
