It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
