Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
