have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
