she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
