I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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