What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
