Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There's always time for handjobs
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
