Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
