I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize