Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
