I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
