You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
