dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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