Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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