I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
