1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
