this beer tastes like vomit already
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize