Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
