Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
