I want to make a zoo with you.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
